Open Windows

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” -Psalm 34:18-19

We live in a three-story townhome. The three-stories is my favorite part. The main living area is on the second floor and we always keep the curtains open and blinds up because of the light. I love working on the couch, bundled up responding to emails or doing my devotion early in the morning. Sometimes though, like a few nights ago, I got my feelings hurt tremendously which had me spiraling down a rabbit hole of emotions. Satan knows exactly where it hurts the most – right? With me, he always starts with my work and the constant comparison game of my work towards others work.

After having my company 6 years we have done well but I would by lying in saying that I thought this would be where we were. If I take one step back and see the full picture I know this was the Lord’s plan but it did not match the outcries of my heart early in the company. I know all the right answers to reassure myself. The Lord’s plan was more philanthropic work through Thrive Global Project, knowing this is the true desire of my heart but I still swirl.

It does not release until I let it which is only stemmed by the entrance of my husband. Immediately knowing something is wrong and like the patient most loving human he is he sits until I am ready to talk. He does not say a word but just listens. And his concern is felt through my bundled blankets and teary eyes and I start talking. It is like a dam that has been released.  The initial hurt feelings are shared and then it runs into other hurts and insecurities. He listens and I weep and then he listens some more. Not looking to give any answers, throwing of stones or anything of the nature. He just listens and I am amazed at his faithfulness. And then I am awestruck of having people around you, that love you to catch the pouring and hold the hurt for you. I truly believe this is what the body of Christ should look like. And after I finish, he looks at me and says, “you know who your best friend is?” and right on cue Birdie puts her head on our lap. It sounds simple but every time I have an outcrying of the heart with my head hung low and I ask the Lord to give me a sign that he is there- a dog puts his head on my lap.  It has been Birdie before but it also has been random dogs out of no where. I know crazy but it is God and I’s little inside joke.

This made me stop and think about my open windows and how the Lord was watching us inside and knowing the pain. He was hurt by friends and betrayed by loved ones and He felt my hurt himself since we are His beloved. Just like when the disciples were in the boat and the storms came He watched them from the hill He was praying. He has his eye on me constantly yet I still let my crushed spirit feel crushed when I know the Lord is right there. This life is hard and it can hurt but remember sweet friends, our weakness is made strong in the Lord our Father who loves us more than anything in this world. I share it with you so boldly because it is the words I need to see as well. And as we rest tonight may our sweet mind remember His callings and love for us so we are filled up for the days ahead just in case we need to return the favor and catch the overflow of someone else.

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1 Comment

  1. October 17, 2018 / 8:57 PM

    Oh Grace. Thank you. This was a breath of fresh air. I feel the same way about Dot in so many beautiful and hard ways. God has been so very good, and yet it is not what I envisioned and sometimes that is heartbreaking and confusing. Cheering you on from Nashville. So much love.

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